This past week, I took my youth group to a beautiful little city called Sugar Hill, GA. In my last post, I talked a good talk about feeling like God could continue to use me despite my station in life, and I believed it, but let me tell you... I had a really messed up mindset about it. He could use me later, or He could use me with some adjustments, or He could use me if...
And I went to Georgia with a crappy attitude.
Oh, I thought it would be a good week. But I felt a little negative about the logistics. It didn't seem like the registration process was very organized. I had apparently missed some communication from the project coordinator. One of the other adults with me was very skeptical, and I let that get to me. But overall, my entire outlook was very self-centered: "This is something I can do to help someone else, so I can forget about all my problems." ....emphasis on forgetting my problems.
Then, the first night, we had a crew meeting. My crew chief was a man named John, and he quickly told us that the information he received wasn't organized, and that he was struggling with some of it. The house we would work on would be huge; we might not finish. He was not very personable, and might come off as gruff. And we would be painting.
"GREAT!" I thought. "God has a sense of humor! He puts the least serious person of all time with this staunch crew chief with a military background on a job we might not finish; painting. I hate painting. I have painted all summer." I worried about it all night.
Then, something amazing happened. When we met up the next morning for the send-off with our crews, my chief greeted me with a "good morning," and we connected over SEC football. "Ok," I thought. "He may be uber serious, but he's a football fan. We have a common thread."
As I learned more about my crew, the 12 of us had more in common than I could imagine. We were from across 3 states.. Arkansas, Louisiana, and Alabama.. and we were split between 4 teams: Tigers, Razorbacks, Tide, and Gators. We had 2 15 yr olds who wanted to be doctors. We had 4 14-15 year olds who play football. We had 2 teachers and a crew chief who's mom had been a teacher. We had a cheerleader, a mascot, and a cheer coach. A pastor, a youth minister, and 2 adult volunteers who had no kids on the trip. We had 2 kids from 2 states who lived with grandparents. We all loved the same music. We were all baseball fans. We were an incredible team. "Hey! God DID know what he was doing here!"
We worked together from the first moment like a well-oiled machine. And at the end of day 1, we were 3/4 finished with our mammoth project with 3 days left to work.
As I talked with the homeowner, and the neighborhood kids, I realized that God was using me to touch them right then. Not after I had gotten through the divorce, not after I had some time to correct my reputation, and not after a million other things, but right now.
And then, I spoke with John. Remember our super serious crew chief? The one that I just KNEW I would never get along with?
When he was 29, his wife walked out the morning after a huge life event. Sound familiar? Yet even so, he raised his son to be, from what he told me, a fantastic young man. He played Jesus in the church play. He ministered to others on mission trips. He worked. He built a life. He was "ok." He has never remarried, but he is content. I learned that his serious personality is not indicative of the joy he has in his heart and the love and selflessness he has for others.
Huh. A living, breathing, example of how God wants to use me.
And then, my world was changed. I know World Changers is about changing the world for Christ...
My crew did just that... even for me. < 3
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Roots, Fruit, and Cracked Pots
I haven't updated lately; quite honestly I haven't felt that I've had much worth sharing. No one wants to read a laundry list of heartaches, hurts, complaints, and tears. I have my other outlets for dealing with those; blogging and social media aren't really the place. In short, it's been a rough 4-and-a-half months, and things don't seem to be getting any better. I'm ready to go back to school to get away from it all. Is that kind of sad?
It seems like, with me and with many others, the old adage is true: "When it rains, it pours." But how do you deal with that?
In my particular line of work, both professional and volunteer, being plagued by the hard times can make you feel at the best ineffective, and at worst, completely unworthy of the call. I knew I had those feelings deep down, but it didn't become truly apparent until this past Sunday. I was asked to fill in for the music director at church, which I've done loads of times over the years when it was his week of vacation. "Sure, no problem!" I told him 2 weeks ago. But Sunday morning, as I picked out hymns, I was reduced to tears at the thought of standing before the congregation. I felt like I had a a scarlet D plastered to my cardigan. But I struggled through it. I figured I'd given my word, but I was (uncharacteristically) a nervous wreck the entire time.
But a few minutes ago, I ran across this Bible verse,
God assures us that if our trust is placed firmly in Him, then we have no reason to be anxious or afraid. I have made mistakes in my life, sure. Many things that have happened, the blame can be placed solely on me, and I take that responsibility. However, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I have not made the decisions that have put me in the stage of life I'm in at this moment. I have seen and felt God reaffirm this to me over and over by placing people in my life to speak His truths to me through word and deed. Though I am not totally blameless in this life, as no one is, I can be confident in knowing that my faith is rooted firmly in Christ, and therefore, I should not feel afraid or ashamed. I have felt unworthy as a teacher, a youth minister, and a role model, but Jeremiah 17:8... oh, Jeremiah 17:8. God promises that I will not cease to yield fruit!
Do you know how overwhelmed with joy that makes my soul? I've been so afraid that I would have to hide in a closet somewhere until I became worthy to serve, or to make a difference. What lies the world tells us! God still has a purpose for me, though broken I might be right now. He still has a place for me to serve as long as my faith and trust are in Him! I rejoice in knowing that I am not a hopeless case. And I am reminded of favorite professor of mine who used to say over and over, "We are all cracked pots! I'm a cracked pot! You're a cracked pot! But the thing about a cracked pot is.. the cracks allow the light of Christ to shine through as long as we don't try to cover 'em up." Oh, Jim Heath. You are a genius.
We live in a sinful world. Because of sin, bad things happen that are sometimes outside of our control. Sometimes, we are broken people. We are cracked pots. But that doesn't mean we have to be ashamed and hide those cracks. We have God's promise that we will not cease to bear fruit.
So, friends, now I ask: Has there been a time you've felt unworthy? What word has the Lord given you to change your heart? Has there been a time when He has shone through the cracks in your life?
It seems like, with me and with many others, the old adage is true: "When it rains, it pours." But how do you deal with that?
In my particular line of work, both professional and volunteer, being plagued by the hard times can make you feel at the best ineffective, and at worst, completely unworthy of the call. I knew I had those feelings deep down, but it didn't become truly apparent until this past Sunday. I was asked to fill in for the music director at church, which I've done loads of times over the years when it was his week of vacation. "Sure, no problem!" I told him 2 weeks ago. But Sunday morning, as I picked out hymns, I was reduced to tears at the thought of standing before the congregation. I felt like I had a a scarlet D plastered to my cardigan. But I struggled through it. I figured I'd given my word, but I was (uncharacteristically) a nervous wreck the entire time.
But a few minutes ago, I ran across this Bible verse,
Jeremiah 17:7-8
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit."
God assures us that if our trust is placed firmly in Him, then we have no reason to be anxious or afraid. I have made mistakes in my life, sure. Many things that have happened, the blame can be placed solely on me, and I take that responsibility. However, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I have not made the decisions that have put me in the stage of life I'm in at this moment. I have seen and felt God reaffirm this to me over and over by placing people in my life to speak His truths to me through word and deed. Though I am not totally blameless in this life, as no one is, I can be confident in knowing that my faith is rooted firmly in Christ, and therefore, I should not feel afraid or ashamed. I have felt unworthy as a teacher, a youth minister, and a role model, but Jeremiah 17:8... oh, Jeremiah 17:8. God promises that I will not cease to yield fruit!
Do you know how overwhelmed with joy that makes my soul? I've been so afraid that I would have to hide in a closet somewhere until I became worthy to serve, or to make a difference. What lies the world tells us! God still has a purpose for me, though broken I might be right now. He still has a place for me to serve as long as my faith and trust are in Him! I rejoice in knowing that I am not a hopeless case. And I am reminded of favorite professor of mine who used to say over and over, "We are all cracked pots! I'm a cracked pot! You're a cracked pot! But the thing about a cracked pot is.. the cracks allow the light of Christ to shine through as long as we don't try to cover 'em up." Oh, Jim Heath. You are a genius.
We live in a sinful world. Because of sin, bad things happen that are sometimes outside of our control. Sometimes, we are broken people. We are cracked pots. But that doesn't mean we have to be ashamed and hide those cracks. We have God's promise that we will not cease to bear fruit.
So, friends, now I ask: Has there been a time you've felt unworthy? What word has the Lord given you to change your heart? Has there been a time when He has shone through the cracks in your life?
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Life, love, and loss..
Tonight I've been thinking about loss. A dear sweet friend of mine stated that "everyone goes through hard times, but it doesn't seem to be back to back like this." She was referring to a series of illnesses, losses, and heartbreaks within her own family, but it started me thinking, "Hey.. I'm there, too."
And it's true. I can list a myriad of horrifying and heartbreaking circumstances my immediate family has faced from my dad's courageous 8 year fight with cancer that ended with his death in 2010, to 3 miscarriages in my family, the loss of my last 2 grandparents, and a heartbreaking divorce battle that caught everyone (not the least of those, me) by complete surprise.
And it's hard. So, so hard. I often wonder daily how we wake up and face it. And I don't dare diminish my friend's losses in the reflection on my own. Hers are just as numerous and true and real. Which makes me wonder... how many others are suffering silently? How many people do we walk by on a daily basis with no clue (or even concern) about their heartbreak?
1 Corinthians 12:25-26 says, "that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it."
We should remember that our brothers and sisters also experience sufferings. This is hard to remember when we are so wrapped up in our own. It's hard to see past our own tears to the tears of others, but we are to show care and concern for one another. We should share in the sufferings of our brothers in order to offer comfort and Godly wisdom. And by the grace of our great God, when we honor one another in experiencing pain, we will come to rejoice together through it.
So that is my prayer, that we will hold each other up in times of trouble, so that we may rejoice together in God's healing.
< 3
And it's true. I can list a myriad of horrifying and heartbreaking circumstances my immediate family has faced from my dad's courageous 8 year fight with cancer that ended with his death in 2010, to 3 miscarriages in my family, the loss of my last 2 grandparents, and a heartbreaking divorce battle that caught everyone (not the least of those, me) by complete surprise.
And it's hard. So, so hard. I often wonder daily how we wake up and face it. And I don't dare diminish my friend's losses in the reflection on my own. Hers are just as numerous and true and real. Which makes me wonder... how many others are suffering silently? How many people do we walk by on a daily basis with no clue (or even concern) about their heartbreak?
1 Corinthians 12:25-26 says, "that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it."
We should remember that our brothers and sisters also experience sufferings. This is hard to remember when we are so wrapped up in our own. It's hard to see past our own tears to the tears of others, but we are to show care and concern for one another. We should share in the sufferings of our brothers in order to offer comfort and Godly wisdom. And by the grace of our great God, when we honor one another in experiencing pain, we will come to rejoice together through it.
So that is my prayer, that we will hold each other up in times of trouble, so that we may rejoice together in God's healing.
< 3
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Thoughts from a Pedicure
Today I had some errands to run. After I got finished, I decided I would get a pedicure before heading home. If you are like me, when you think of a pedicure, you think of warm, soothing water, a gentle foot massage, cool creamy lotions, and all around relaxation. A pedicure is the ultimate treat after a long hard day on your feet.
That was not the experience I had. Immediately when I sat down in my chair and put my feet into the water, I knew something was up. The water was scalding hot! Then the nail tech sat down.. total language barrier. "It's ok, though," I thought. After all, a pedicure in any language is still a pedicure. The water began to cool and I felt a little better, but then he took my foot... and proceeded to inflict the absolute most pressure and pain I've ever felt during a nail service. And he couldn't understand when I said it hurt! "It be ok!" He said! I honestly began to think he mistook my request for a simple pedicure as a challenge to surgically remove each of my toenails one by one.
At last, this pain and pressure ended. I thought the rest of my pedicure would go on in peace. But, alas, no. When time came for the foot massage, he proceeded to beat me on the legs from upper thighs all the way to the soles of my feet! Once finished, he literally flossed between my toes with a towel -- seriously one of the most awkward experiences of my life.
Finally, he began to paint my toenails. The color was beautiful... and he must have loved it, too! He applied 4 coats of sparkly purple polish to each of my toes. Clearly, this guy goes hard or goes home. Just when I thought we were done, he rolled down the legs of my pants and beat my legs again. Then, he carefully walked me to my seat by the dryer and placed my feet exactly where he wanted them to go.
It was painful, awkward.. and yet.. after it was finished, when I started to leave, I realized I felt so peaceful and relaxed. My feet felt better than they had in a long time. They were perfectly cleaned, clipped, smoothed, and polished. All of the yucky layers were gone, and they were like new.
....And then I thought, "That's the way it is with God sometimes." We don't always get what we expect. We think as Christians that our lives should be smooth and comfortable. We should know exactly what to expect and when to expect it. There should be no twists and turns along the way. The water should be warm and soothing, never too hot or too cold. We shouldn't have to experience pain, and we certainly shouldn't have to step out of our comfort zones. In short, we as Christ followers, expect things to easy.
James 1:2-4 says, " Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Not only does James write that we will face trials, but we are to count them as JOY! Why would we be joyful when we face trials? Because he goes on to say that these trials produce steadfastness. In short, it teaches us stability, and stability in Christ makes us WHOLE!
John 16:33 tells us, "33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Guys, Christ has overcome the world, and we face trials so that we may be made complete, and be made new! What does it mean when I say Christ has overcome the world? It means, simply put, that there is nothing in this world that Christ can't conquer. He has conquered sickness, pain, suffering, death, relationships, evil, and sin. We are not able to conquer these things on our own, but with Christ by our sides, there's nothing that is too big. 1 Peter 5:10 says, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
After our sufferings, God promises to restore us! He promises to strengthen us. He will establish us for our intended purpose...
... Kinda like my painful pedicure did for me. Yes, I really thought it hurt for a little while. It was different, and it was uncomfortable. But after a while, I realized that this nail tech, (whom, might I add, I honestly thought was crazy,) and whom I absolutely could not understand, knew what he was doing the whole time. I tried to understand what he was saying. I tried to communicate, but I felt like it was in vain. But when it came down to it, he wasn't necessarily interested in my ease of experience. He was concerned with the end result. He wanted to produce a lasting change and reestablish the usefulness of purpose to my aching and abused feet. And when I finally allowed him, he gently led me where he wanted me to go, and placed me comfortably in the perfect place so that I could experience the fullness of my restoration. I just had to give in and go.
So, the next time you have an experience that you consider to be a trial, have patience and take heart. You may be being prepared to fulfill your ultimate purpose. Maybe you just need to trust and let Christ overcome for you. ;)
That was not the experience I had. Immediately when I sat down in my chair and put my feet into the water, I knew something was up. The water was scalding hot! Then the nail tech sat down.. total language barrier. "It's ok, though," I thought. After all, a pedicure in any language is still a pedicure. The water began to cool and I felt a little better, but then he took my foot... and proceeded to inflict the absolute most pressure and pain I've ever felt during a nail service. And he couldn't understand when I said it hurt! "It be ok!" He said! I honestly began to think he mistook my request for a simple pedicure as a challenge to surgically remove each of my toenails one by one.
At last, this pain and pressure ended. I thought the rest of my pedicure would go on in peace. But, alas, no. When time came for the foot massage, he proceeded to beat me on the legs from upper thighs all the way to the soles of my feet! Once finished, he literally flossed between my toes with a towel -- seriously one of the most awkward experiences of my life.
Finally, he began to paint my toenails. The color was beautiful... and he must have loved it, too! He applied 4 coats of sparkly purple polish to each of my toes. Clearly, this guy goes hard or goes home. Just when I thought we were done, he rolled down the legs of my pants and beat my legs again. Then, he carefully walked me to my seat by the dryer and placed my feet exactly where he wanted them to go.
It was painful, awkward.. and yet.. after it was finished, when I started to leave, I realized I felt so peaceful and relaxed. My feet felt better than they had in a long time. They were perfectly cleaned, clipped, smoothed, and polished. All of the yucky layers were gone, and they were like new.
....And then I thought, "That's the way it is with God sometimes." We don't always get what we expect. We think as Christians that our lives should be smooth and comfortable. We should know exactly what to expect and when to expect it. There should be no twists and turns along the way. The water should be warm and soothing, never too hot or too cold. We shouldn't have to experience pain, and we certainly shouldn't have to step out of our comfort zones. In short, we as Christ followers, expect things to easy.
James 1:2-4 says, " Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Not only does James write that we will face trials, but we are to count them as JOY! Why would we be joyful when we face trials? Because he goes on to say that these trials produce steadfastness. In short, it teaches us stability, and stability in Christ makes us WHOLE!
John 16:33 tells us, "33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Guys, Christ has overcome the world, and we face trials so that we may be made complete, and be made new! What does it mean when I say Christ has overcome the world? It means, simply put, that there is nothing in this world that Christ can't conquer. He has conquered sickness, pain, suffering, death, relationships, evil, and sin. We are not able to conquer these things on our own, but with Christ by our sides, there's nothing that is too big. 1 Peter 5:10 says, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
After our sufferings, God promises to restore us! He promises to strengthen us. He will establish us for our intended purpose...
... Kinda like my painful pedicure did for me. Yes, I really thought it hurt for a little while. It was different, and it was uncomfortable. But after a while, I realized that this nail tech, (whom, might I add, I honestly thought was crazy,) and whom I absolutely could not understand, knew what he was doing the whole time. I tried to understand what he was saying. I tried to communicate, but I felt like it was in vain. But when it came down to it, he wasn't necessarily interested in my ease of experience. He was concerned with the end result. He wanted to produce a lasting change and reestablish the usefulness of purpose to my aching and abused feet. And when I finally allowed him, he gently led me where he wanted me to go, and placed me comfortably in the perfect place so that I could experience the fullness of my restoration. I just had to give in and go.
So, the next time you have an experience that you consider to be a trial, have patience and take heart. You may be being prepared to fulfill your ultimate purpose. Maybe you just need to trust and let Christ overcome for you. ;)
Monday, December 17, 2012
Anytown, USA
Friday, in a tragedy that has shaken a nation, 26 innocent lives were taken at the hands of a literal madman. My heart breaks for the families of those who were lost, and I ache even thinking about what private hell the shooter must have lived inside his own mind in order for him to take such action against defenseless children and the adults who looked after them.
Being a teacher, this has hit home for me more than I would like. I have tried to block the news reports, and I have tried to ignore the updates, but it simply can't be ignored. The world we live in is a dangerous place, and we as a society have contributed to making it such. With our lack of focus on mental health, our oversight in regard to the security of our children, and our refusal to place responsibility where it lies, we have created a system where these types of things are bound to happen. Where does this cycle stop?
Oh, I have heard the blame placed in countless places. "Where was God?" "We need stricter gun control laws!" "The President is doing a poor job running our country, and he is to blame!" I understand these are simply cries from an angry and confused people, and they come from our mutual frustration and disgust that these massacres continue to happen. But we must realize that not a single one of these sources is at fault here. Failing to care for our children when they need it most is to blame. And as a teacher, that means that this blame lies squarely upon my shoulders.
I don't mean to say that no shooter in history has ever felt loved, or has been shown the support of a loving family, community, or educator. No, this is simply not so. But I do believe that parents and teachers need to do a better job of detecting and recognizing early warning signs of mental illness. I believe that teachers not only need to be sensitive to these indicators, but we need to do a better job of communicating with parents. Although it is not our job or our right to "diagnose" a student, we should be able to offer an open and honest dialogue on what we have observed, and help to point parents in the right direction if they believe they need to seek further help. We also need to be available to our students, and offer them appropriate support when necessary.
School districts also have an overall responsibility to provide proper in-school counseling for students. Many students who have repeated behavior problems do not need constant disciplinary action, they need counseling and reform. Without the proper channels for their feelings and emotions, students will continue to commit offenses, which over time, will become more serious and intense. I also understand that not every individual who has committed vicious and violent acts has been a "typical" student behavior case. This is why teachers and administrators need proper training to identify at-risk behaviors. Not all at-risk students display overly outward signs to the average observer, but a trained eye can make a world of difference in how these students are identified treated. I could go on about this, but there are other issues that need to be addressed.
I believe in the second amendment right to bear arms. I don't believe that this right should be taken away. I come from a family of responsible life-long gun owners. My father built, rebuilt, repaired, and refurbished guns. He loaded his own ammo. He taught my brother and me to treat weapons responsibly and with respect. Guns are never stored loaded in my home. Guns and ammo are never stored together. Our guns are locked securely in a half-ton gun safe, accessible only by code. Our ammo is stored in a separate safe in another location in our home. They are used for sport -- target practice, skeet and clay shooting, etc. -- and for providing food for our family. In our family, animals are killed respectfully to be used only for meals. They are not merely trophies obtained for fun. This being said, I believe there are many, many other responsible gun-owning families, and I don't believe our rights should be revoked due to the negligence of others. Rather than revoking gun rights to stop violence, I think purchasers should be screened, and should receive proper training. Law-abiding gun owners are not the ones committing these crimes... but irresponsible ones may allow access to their guns unwittingly. Train gun owners to operate and store guns more responsibly. Make screenings more thorough. Don't disarm our nation. Those who want to commit a violent crime will find a way, but if the rest of the country is disarmed, will be be able to protect ourselves?
President Obama has not pulled the trigger for a single assault. I believe it's time to stop bashing him. Do I agree with all of his politics? No. Would I agree with all of the politics of a single other leader who could be instated? No. Our country must stop blaming our leaders for tragedies, melt-downs, and shortcomings! We must take responsibility! Have we not elected our leaders to serve? They are doing the best they can, and acting in such a way that they see fit. Even if we do not support a particular person in a leadership position, I fully believe we need to respect the office. We should pray for our leaders, support our leaders, and yes, voice our opinions when we disagree with our leaders, but it should be done in a constructive way! Placing blame for such a tragedy on our President is ludicrous. I hope anyone who may read this can see that.
God also did not cause this tragedy to happen. The actions of a mentally ill and sinful man did. For all of those shouting that "God wasn't present because we have kicked him out!" Please listen to yourselves. If you truly believe in the power of our Almighty God, and in his supreme dominion over all situations on our earth, how can you say that he has been omitted by the rules of man? God does not conform to any man! Due to our free will, and the sinful nature of human beings, violence and crime happens. God has not once in the Bible promised to spare any people from hardship or tragedy. That doesn't make it more easily swallowed, but again, stop blaming God. He did not do this, but he will help put the pieces back together.
Finally, I believe schools need to implement greater security measures. Schools need resource officers. Schools need proper lock-down procedures. This was evidenced today when my school was placed on lock-down drill. My students were to turn their desks over and get behind them in tornado drill position -- that is, crouched on the floor with their heads covered. This merely would make a person a target if an actual shooting was in progress. There has been research after each shooting our country has faced, and it has indeed been found that students who look at shooters or move around have been more likely to be targeted, so this may be where this position has come from. However, each school needs to be looked at individually. What is the layout of the school? What is the geography of the area? Are there windows? What is the placement of classroom exits? How many closets or enclosed storage areas are available? How thick are the doors? Is there a locking mechanism on each door? What material are the walls composed of? We need specific action plans, and we need training in their implementation.
Today as our lock-down drill was taking place, my students were a bit rowdy. I discussed with them during this time the importance of keeping quiet and following directions. I thought these ideals were lost on them. When the all-clear was sounded and students began to right their desks, they suddenly became quiet. Finally, a girl spoke up. "Do you think those kids were crying Friday? How was the teacher able to keep them quiet?" I told her of two stories -- the story of Victoria Soto, who hid her students and gave her life protecting them by telling the shooter they were in the gym. And I told them of the teacher who hid her students and quietly read them stories until the danger had passed. Then the questions continued to come: "Mrs. C, would you leave us if something like that was happening?" I reassured my students that I absolutely would not leave them alone in that situation. I would stay with them and stand in front of them in danger. "Mrs. C... would you come back to school again... if something happened and some of us died?" Wow.. I told him that I wouldn't. And no, I don't think I could. I believe I would have to be subdued and locked up somewhere if I had to experience anything like what horror has happened in Newtown, CT. But the sad truth is, that if measures aren't taken and things aren't looked at honestly and seriously, the massacre on the news won't just be Newtown, CT. The massacre on the news could and will happen in Anytown, USA.
Being a teacher, this has hit home for me more than I would like. I have tried to block the news reports, and I have tried to ignore the updates, but it simply can't be ignored. The world we live in is a dangerous place, and we as a society have contributed to making it such. With our lack of focus on mental health, our oversight in regard to the security of our children, and our refusal to place responsibility where it lies, we have created a system where these types of things are bound to happen. Where does this cycle stop?
Oh, I have heard the blame placed in countless places. "Where was God?" "We need stricter gun control laws!" "The President is doing a poor job running our country, and he is to blame!" I understand these are simply cries from an angry and confused people, and they come from our mutual frustration and disgust that these massacres continue to happen. But we must realize that not a single one of these sources is at fault here. Failing to care for our children when they need it most is to blame. And as a teacher, that means that this blame lies squarely upon my shoulders.
I don't mean to say that no shooter in history has ever felt loved, or has been shown the support of a loving family, community, or educator. No, this is simply not so. But I do believe that parents and teachers need to do a better job of detecting and recognizing early warning signs of mental illness. I believe that teachers not only need to be sensitive to these indicators, but we need to do a better job of communicating with parents. Although it is not our job or our right to "diagnose" a student, we should be able to offer an open and honest dialogue on what we have observed, and help to point parents in the right direction if they believe they need to seek further help. We also need to be available to our students, and offer them appropriate support when necessary.
School districts also have an overall responsibility to provide proper in-school counseling for students. Many students who have repeated behavior problems do not need constant disciplinary action, they need counseling and reform. Without the proper channels for their feelings and emotions, students will continue to commit offenses, which over time, will become more serious and intense. I also understand that not every individual who has committed vicious and violent acts has been a "typical" student behavior case. This is why teachers and administrators need proper training to identify at-risk behaviors. Not all at-risk students display overly outward signs to the average observer, but a trained eye can make a world of difference in how these students are identified treated. I could go on about this, but there are other issues that need to be addressed.
I believe in the second amendment right to bear arms. I don't believe that this right should be taken away. I come from a family of responsible life-long gun owners. My father built, rebuilt, repaired, and refurbished guns. He loaded his own ammo. He taught my brother and me to treat weapons responsibly and with respect. Guns are never stored loaded in my home. Guns and ammo are never stored together. Our guns are locked securely in a half-ton gun safe, accessible only by code. Our ammo is stored in a separate safe in another location in our home. They are used for sport -- target practice, skeet and clay shooting, etc. -- and for providing food for our family. In our family, animals are killed respectfully to be used only for meals. They are not merely trophies obtained for fun. This being said, I believe there are many, many other responsible gun-owning families, and I don't believe our rights should be revoked due to the negligence of others. Rather than revoking gun rights to stop violence, I think purchasers should be screened, and should receive proper training. Law-abiding gun owners are not the ones committing these crimes... but irresponsible ones may allow access to their guns unwittingly. Train gun owners to operate and store guns more responsibly. Make screenings more thorough. Don't disarm our nation. Those who want to commit a violent crime will find a way, but if the rest of the country is disarmed, will be be able to protect ourselves?
President Obama has not pulled the trigger for a single assault. I believe it's time to stop bashing him. Do I agree with all of his politics? No. Would I agree with all of the politics of a single other leader who could be instated? No. Our country must stop blaming our leaders for tragedies, melt-downs, and shortcomings! We must take responsibility! Have we not elected our leaders to serve? They are doing the best they can, and acting in such a way that they see fit. Even if we do not support a particular person in a leadership position, I fully believe we need to respect the office. We should pray for our leaders, support our leaders, and yes, voice our opinions when we disagree with our leaders, but it should be done in a constructive way! Placing blame for such a tragedy on our President is ludicrous. I hope anyone who may read this can see that.
God also did not cause this tragedy to happen. The actions of a mentally ill and sinful man did. For all of those shouting that "God wasn't present because we have kicked him out!" Please listen to yourselves. If you truly believe in the power of our Almighty God, and in his supreme dominion over all situations on our earth, how can you say that he has been omitted by the rules of man? God does not conform to any man! Due to our free will, and the sinful nature of human beings, violence and crime happens. God has not once in the Bible promised to spare any people from hardship or tragedy. That doesn't make it more easily swallowed, but again, stop blaming God. He did not do this, but he will help put the pieces back together.
Finally, I believe schools need to implement greater security measures. Schools need resource officers. Schools need proper lock-down procedures. This was evidenced today when my school was placed on lock-down drill. My students were to turn their desks over and get behind them in tornado drill position -- that is, crouched on the floor with their heads covered. This merely would make a person a target if an actual shooting was in progress. There has been research after each shooting our country has faced, and it has indeed been found that students who look at shooters or move around have been more likely to be targeted, so this may be where this position has come from. However, each school needs to be looked at individually. What is the layout of the school? What is the geography of the area? Are there windows? What is the placement of classroom exits? How many closets or enclosed storage areas are available? How thick are the doors? Is there a locking mechanism on each door? What material are the walls composed of? We need specific action plans, and we need training in their implementation.
Today as our lock-down drill was taking place, my students were a bit rowdy. I discussed with them during this time the importance of keeping quiet and following directions. I thought these ideals were lost on them. When the all-clear was sounded and students began to right their desks, they suddenly became quiet. Finally, a girl spoke up. "Do you think those kids were crying Friday? How was the teacher able to keep them quiet?" I told her of two stories -- the story of Victoria Soto, who hid her students and gave her life protecting them by telling the shooter they were in the gym. And I told them of the teacher who hid her students and quietly read them stories until the danger had passed. Then the questions continued to come: "Mrs. C, would you leave us if something like that was happening?" I reassured my students that I absolutely would not leave them alone in that situation. I would stay with them and stand in front of them in danger. "Mrs. C... would you come back to school again... if something happened and some of us died?" Wow.. I told him that I wouldn't. And no, I don't think I could. I believe I would have to be subdued and locked up somewhere if I had to experience anything like what horror has happened in Newtown, CT. But the sad truth is, that if measures aren't taken and things aren't looked at honestly and seriously, the massacre on the news won't just be Newtown, CT. The massacre on the news could and will happen in Anytown, USA.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Catching Up: 10 Years Later
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of attending my 10 year class reunion. The JHS Giant class of 2002 came together for float decorating, the homecoming pep rally, parade, game, and an after party. What a complete blast from the past!
I have to admit: I was quite nervous about attending the reunion. In fact, up until about 6 months ago when I was asked to help plan it, I wasn't even going to go. I sort of felt like I already keep in touch with the people from my class that I want to keep in touch with. Although most of my classmates got along and no one had major problems with each other, we didn't always hang out together. As with any high school, there were your definite stereotypical groups. The athletes, the band kids, the tech nerds, the social group, and then the ones who just kinda bounced around from group to group. I was a band kid, but I did bounce around from group to group as well. In fact, I dated one of the (at the time) athletes... although he would definitely probably classify himself differently now. lol I also didn't hang around exclusively with my class -- being in band, I had close friends both older and younger than me. Some of my best friends graduated 1-3 years before me, and so I knew I wouldn't see them at the reunion.
Another hesitation I faced was, well, I don't look as good as I did back then. Life happens, and I've gained a little weight. I look a little (albeit not much) older, and that's always at the fore-front of a girl's mind when she's going to see people she hasn't seen in 10 years. And finally, I was nervous about going alone. As we have established in prior posts, my husband is working out of state. I knew that most of my classmates would be coupled up, and then there I would be... no husband in sight. And I won't lie, he's pretty cute, so I kinda wanted all my classmates to all meet him. ;)
Anyway, I decided to get over myself and go, and found out that a couple friends of mine from school would be attending without their other halves, so that made me feel a little better. I arrived to meet up at one of the girls' dad's house, and found quickly that things weren't as awkward as I thought they might be. Surprisingly, it seemed like everyone (everyone!) was genuinely glad to see each other. We had a wonderful turnout for the float decorating, pep rally, and parade. We almost didn't have room on the float, and though we had reserved 4 rows in the gym for seating, we took up 5 and a half!
After the parade, I went to lunch with an old friend, Bea, and then visited with another friend and her new husband. Later, we attended the game, and had a major blast from the past -- one of the guys showed up in his letterman jacket and drumline t-shirt! Too funny! I also learned at the game that when I was in high school, apparently a guy wrote me a love letter, and I sent it back to him marked up with proofreading marks in red. Oops. :( I had to apologize for that one!
The Giants unfortunately lost the game, and then Bea and I headed to the reunion party, which was a total blast. I was able to catch up with my "Twin from Another Men" (You know, like brother from another mother)... a guy with whom I share my birthday. I met his wife for the first time, and we all hung out for a good bit of the night, along with Dal, and a friend from another class, Jake. A couple from our class who married not long after high school was there.. Kylie and Will, and I really enjoyed catching up with them. All in all, it was a great time. Favorite memory: Steven challenging Dal to a foot race! Unfortunately, Dal didn't take him up on his offer. There was also some non-sexual- man-flirting and that was hysterical. Poor Brian..
What I learned was that for the most part, as adults, my class has grown to accept and tolerate others of all races, backgrounds, orientations, and life-situations. Dal, who was from literally the most racist part of town dated an African-American girl. Steve, who used to be one of the most intolerant guys in the world, gladly hung out with a couple of LGBT folks. The "wrong side of the tracks" kids visited with the "popular" crowd. The "jocks" hung out with the "nerds." And everyone found out they had a lot in common these days, regardless of the differences.
Unfortunately, a couple of girls proved that some things, and some people, never really progress and change, but they, and their cattiness, were in the minority. I'm proud of my class; I think we've turned out to be good people. It's too bad we only get together every 10 years. These are the folks I'm proud to have grown up with, and the kind of people I like to be surrounded with. They (We) are the class of '02.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
On Isaac..
For the past few days, I have been amazed at the lengths some people go to in our area for "storm prep." From lines wrapping around gas stations, to plastic bags covering the pumps.. from lines wrapping through Wal-mart, to the aisles being stripped bare of water, bread, and well, mostly junk food... from kids at school frantically proclaiming the "high winds" (breeze), to school being cancelled for two days, and now at 11:30, we have yet to see a drop of rain...
The reality of it is, here in Podunk, USA, we are some 330 miles inland from the coast. By the time Isaac reaches us, he will have weakened, quite possibly, even to a tropical depression. Although we are expecting wind gusts upward of 20 MPH, we reach that in a normal thunderstorm at times. I can't tell you how many trees have been uprooted in my back yard over the years, and we've only seen one hurricane (Gustav, 2008) since we've been here.
I don't understand the people here who are pushing 2 carts around the store; one filled with 8 cases of water, and the other piled high with junk food. I don't really understand the need to fill up the truck, 4-wheeler, boat, and 6 gas cans. (No, that is not an exxaggeration. I saw that with my own eyes.) I don't know why 2 5-lb bags of ice should cost $10, and I don't know why gas has climbed to $4.06/gallon. I find all of this to be absolutely insane; sensationalism.
Now, all those things being said, I don't mean that you shouldn't be prepared for the storm. I cannot begin to imagine how those people in NOLA and the surrounding areas must feel being slammed once again by storm surge 7 years to the day they were slammed by Katrina. I don't know the fear or flood of emotions that those residents (and former residents) face as they flip through the channels on TV and see images that call to mind images of the past.... images that they wish were dreams rather than memory. But... I don't think absolute insanity helps anything.
Yes, I hope and pray that those affected by the worst of this slow-moving storm are prepared. If in flood prone areas, I would hope they would have evacuated if possible. I pray they have the supplies they need, as nearly 300,000 are currently without power. I would hope they would have stocked up on enough essentials to last a few days. And hey, here, too. In a rural area, the possibility of wind always means the possibility of power outage...
But c'mon. 330 miles inland, how many cases of water and twinkies do you really need?
We are slated to get some rain around 1:00... I'll probably "evacuate" to my mom's around 3 (before anything other than light rain happens) simply because I don't want to be alone with the possibility of a tree on my roof if the winds get gusty. We will have a case of water, some soup we prepared yesterday, and bread and lunch meat. We have plenty of batteries, candles, flashlights, and books to read. The ipads are charged, as are the cell phones. My car is parked safely in the garage, and I'll be taking the truck. Puppy girl has plenty of food, and she's ready for her short journey to visit her puppy relatives.
Stay calm and be well my friends! Stay off the roads once the winds and rain get up, and take care of your pets. Isaac may not be a monster, but being safe is always best. ....just not if it requires 17 cases of water. ;)
The reality of it is, here in Podunk, USA, we are some 330 miles inland from the coast. By the time Isaac reaches us, he will have weakened, quite possibly, even to a tropical depression. Although we are expecting wind gusts upward of 20 MPH, we reach that in a normal thunderstorm at times. I can't tell you how many trees have been uprooted in my back yard over the years, and we've only seen one hurricane (Gustav, 2008) since we've been here.
I don't understand the people here who are pushing 2 carts around the store; one filled with 8 cases of water, and the other piled high with junk food. I don't really understand the need to fill up the truck, 4-wheeler, boat, and 6 gas cans. (No, that is not an exxaggeration. I saw that with my own eyes.) I don't know why 2 5-lb bags of ice should cost $10, and I don't know why gas has climbed to $4.06/gallon. I find all of this to be absolutely insane; sensationalism.
Now, all those things being said, I don't mean that you shouldn't be prepared for the storm. I cannot begin to imagine how those people in NOLA and the surrounding areas must feel being slammed once again by storm surge 7 years to the day they were slammed by Katrina. I don't know the fear or flood of emotions that those residents (and former residents) face as they flip through the channels on TV and see images that call to mind images of the past.... images that they wish were dreams rather than memory. But... I don't think absolute insanity helps anything.
Yes, I hope and pray that those affected by the worst of this slow-moving storm are prepared. If in flood prone areas, I would hope they would have evacuated if possible. I pray they have the supplies they need, as nearly 300,000 are currently without power. I would hope they would have stocked up on enough essentials to last a few days. And hey, here, too. In a rural area, the possibility of wind always means the possibility of power outage...
But c'mon. 330 miles inland, how many cases of water and twinkies do you really need?
We are slated to get some rain around 1:00... I'll probably "evacuate" to my mom's around 3 (before anything other than light rain happens) simply because I don't want to be alone with the possibility of a tree on my roof if the winds get gusty. We will have a case of water, some soup we prepared yesterday, and bread and lunch meat. We have plenty of batteries, candles, flashlights, and books to read. The ipads are charged, as are the cell phones. My car is parked safely in the garage, and I'll be taking the truck. Puppy girl has plenty of food, and she's ready for her short journey to visit her puppy relatives.
Stay calm and be well my friends! Stay off the roads once the winds and rain get up, and take care of your pets. Isaac may not be a monster, but being safe is always best. ....just not if it requires 17 cases of water. ;)
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