After the game, one of my girls' mom, Nikki, invited me to eat at Cane's with her, Lexi, and Lexi's boyfriend, Brady. I went with them, of course (I am not one to pass up Cane's,) and what you are about to read is the drama that ensued.
Mid-meal, while I was enjoying my Cane's sauce with a side of chicken fingers, this well-endowed young lady, and two of her friends(?) --a guy and a girl-- came in.Seeing as this young lady was wearing a strapless dress that was riding lower than a latino in an El Camino, it was fairly distracting. Brady couldn't even catch a glimpse of her reflection in the window without blushing. To make matters worse, she kept hiking the top of the dress up, and every time she did, she pretty much exposed herself.
We finally finished our meal (only nearly vomiting once or twice,) and headed out into the parking lot. As Nikki and I walked out the door, we were being a little high-schoolish. I whispered to her, "Nikki, look through the window! You can practically see London from the top of her dress!" Nikki looked back and squealed! I died laughing! "That bad?" "NO!!! THERE'S A RAT!!!!"
At that exact moment, a large, rabid rat JUMPED from the bushes in front of Cane's and proceeded to chase us around the parking lot! (I say it was rabid because frankly, I have never seen a rat that aggressive. Generally they just squeak and run the other way.) This thing was literally running behind us, and jumping into the air trying to attack us. It had a wicked case of the shakes, and its little beady eyes looked pretty wild. Nikki and I were running around the parking lot looking like a bunch of schoolgirls until Brady, 15, decided to jump in and be the hero.
As the rat was making its 3rd lap around the parking lot with us, Brady ran between us and the rat. He was going to kick at the rat to try to scare it away. Unfortunately, the rat LEAPT into the air trying once again to eat us alive at the exact moment that Brady kicked. The toe of his size 13 Nike caught the rat right in the nose, and he punted our furry antagonist completely across the parking lot. The rat then bounced off of the curb and landed flat of his back. He twitched his little legs a couple of times, and then gave up the little rodent ghost.
At this point, the four of us were laughing hysterically. I mean, a rabid rat flying across a parking lot and bouncing off a curb? Who could make this up?? And then the inevitable happened... the chick with the giant girls comes jiggling out the door. I looked up at Lexi in my laughter, and said "Hey Lex, I dare you to tell her there's a rat right there." Lexi didn't skip a beat. She cut off the laughter like a pro, and said across to the girl, who was just stepping over our little deceased friend, "Hey, watch out! There's a rat right there." This chick threw up her hands in the air like she just didn't care, and took off running across the parking lot. I'm pretty sure all of Natchitoches parish got an eye-full. I'm pretty sure there's a distinct possibility that this girl woke up with 2 black eyes the next morning. Her 2 friends followed and both of the girls jumped into the car.
Now, at this time, their male companion has just ran across the parking lot squealing like a pig. As soon as the girls get into the car, he looks up and sees us in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. He hesitantly approached the formerly rabid attack-rodent, and glanced at him. He looked a little closer. He backed away slowly for about 10 feet...
Then he turned on his tough-guy swag, snubbed his nose, and looked at the fellow as if he was the one who slew him, and said in his best gangsta rapper voice, "Shooo... Mista Rat be DEAD."
And after that, all I remember seeing were the tears that were streaming down my friends' faces. I'm pretty sure they saw the same when they looked at me. No, no... not because Brady was a rat slayer, and we were mourning the death of one of God's little creatures..... because we pretty much couldn't stop laughing.
I still haven't completely..
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