This past week, I took my youth group to a beautiful little city called Sugar Hill, GA. In my last post, I talked a good talk about feeling like God could continue to use me despite my station in life, and I believed it, but let me tell you... I had a really messed up mindset about it. He could use me later, or He could use me with some adjustments, or He could use me if...
And I went to Georgia with a crappy attitude.
Oh, I thought it would be a good week. But I felt a little negative about the logistics. It didn't seem like the registration process was very organized. I had apparently missed some communication from the project coordinator. One of the other adults with me was very skeptical, and I let that get to me. But overall, my entire outlook was very self-centered: "This is something I can do to help someone else, so I can forget about all my problems." ....emphasis on forgetting my problems.
Then, the first night, we had a crew meeting. My crew chief was a man named John, and he quickly told us that the information he received wasn't organized, and that he was struggling with some of it. The house we would work on would be huge; we might not finish. He was not very personable, and might come off as gruff. And we would be painting.
"GREAT!" I thought. "God has a sense of humor! He puts the least serious person of all time with this staunch crew chief with a military background on a job we might not finish; painting. I hate painting. I have painted all summer." I worried about it all night.
Then, something amazing happened. When we met up the next morning for the send-off with our crews, my chief greeted me with a "good morning," and we connected over SEC football. "Ok," I thought. "He may be uber serious, but he's a football fan. We have a common thread."
As I learned more about my crew, the 12 of us had more in common than I could imagine. We were from across 3 states.. Arkansas, Louisiana, and Alabama.. and we were split between 4 teams: Tigers, Razorbacks, Tide, and Gators. We had 2 15 yr olds who wanted to be doctors. We had 4 14-15 year olds who play football. We had 2 teachers and a crew chief who's mom had been a teacher. We had a cheerleader, a mascot, and a cheer coach. A pastor, a youth minister, and 2 adult volunteers who had no kids on the trip. We had 2 kids from 2 states who lived with grandparents. We all loved the same music. We were all baseball fans. We were an incredible team. "Hey! God DID know what he was doing here!"
We worked together from the first moment like a well-oiled machine. And at the end of day 1, we were 3/4 finished with our mammoth project with 3 days left to work.
As I talked with the homeowner, and the neighborhood kids, I realized that God was using me to touch them right then. Not after I had gotten through the divorce, not after I had some time to correct my reputation, and not after a million other things, but right now.
And then, I spoke with John. Remember our super serious crew chief? The one that I just KNEW I would never get along with?
When he was 29, his wife walked out the morning after a huge life event. Sound familiar? Yet even so, he raised his son to be, from what he told me, a fantastic young man. He played Jesus in the church play. He ministered to others on mission trips. He worked. He built a life. He was "ok." He has never remarried, but he is content. I learned that his serious personality is not indicative of the joy he has in his heart and the love and selflessness he has for others.
Huh. A living, breathing, example of how God wants to use me.
And then, my world was changed. I know World Changers is about changing the world for Christ...
My crew did just that... even for me. < 3
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Roots, Fruit, and Cracked Pots
I haven't updated lately; quite honestly I haven't felt that I've had much worth sharing. No one wants to read a laundry list of heartaches, hurts, complaints, and tears. I have my other outlets for dealing with those; blogging and social media aren't really the place. In short, it's been a rough 4-and-a-half months, and things don't seem to be getting any better. I'm ready to go back to school to get away from it all. Is that kind of sad?
It seems like, with me and with many others, the old adage is true: "When it rains, it pours." But how do you deal with that?
In my particular line of work, both professional and volunteer, being plagued by the hard times can make you feel at the best ineffective, and at worst, completely unworthy of the call. I knew I had those feelings deep down, but it didn't become truly apparent until this past Sunday. I was asked to fill in for the music director at church, which I've done loads of times over the years when it was his week of vacation. "Sure, no problem!" I told him 2 weeks ago. But Sunday morning, as I picked out hymns, I was reduced to tears at the thought of standing before the congregation. I felt like I had a a scarlet D plastered to my cardigan. But I struggled through it. I figured I'd given my word, but I was (uncharacteristically) a nervous wreck the entire time.
But a few minutes ago, I ran across this Bible verse,
God assures us that if our trust is placed firmly in Him, then we have no reason to be anxious or afraid. I have made mistakes in my life, sure. Many things that have happened, the blame can be placed solely on me, and I take that responsibility. However, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I have not made the decisions that have put me in the stage of life I'm in at this moment. I have seen and felt God reaffirm this to me over and over by placing people in my life to speak His truths to me through word and deed. Though I am not totally blameless in this life, as no one is, I can be confident in knowing that my faith is rooted firmly in Christ, and therefore, I should not feel afraid or ashamed. I have felt unworthy as a teacher, a youth minister, and a role model, but Jeremiah 17:8... oh, Jeremiah 17:8. God promises that I will not cease to yield fruit!
Do you know how overwhelmed with joy that makes my soul? I've been so afraid that I would have to hide in a closet somewhere until I became worthy to serve, or to make a difference. What lies the world tells us! God still has a purpose for me, though broken I might be right now. He still has a place for me to serve as long as my faith and trust are in Him! I rejoice in knowing that I am not a hopeless case. And I am reminded of favorite professor of mine who used to say over and over, "We are all cracked pots! I'm a cracked pot! You're a cracked pot! But the thing about a cracked pot is.. the cracks allow the light of Christ to shine through as long as we don't try to cover 'em up." Oh, Jim Heath. You are a genius.
We live in a sinful world. Because of sin, bad things happen that are sometimes outside of our control. Sometimes, we are broken people. We are cracked pots. But that doesn't mean we have to be ashamed and hide those cracks. We have God's promise that we will not cease to bear fruit.
So, friends, now I ask: Has there been a time you've felt unworthy? What word has the Lord given you to change your heart? Has there been a time when He has shone through the cracks in your life?
It seems like, with me and with many others, the old adage is true: "When it rains, it pours." But how do you deal with that?
In my particular line of work, both professional and volunteer, being plagued by the hard times can make you feel at the best ineffective, and at worst, completely unworthy of the call. I knew I had those feelings deep down, but it didn't become truly apparent until this past Sunday. I was asked to fill in for the music director at church, which I've done loads of times over the years when it was his week of vacation. "Sure, no problem!" I told him 2 weeks ago. But Sunday morning, as I picked out hymns, I was reduced to tears at the thought of standing before the congregation. I felt like I had a a scarlet D plastered to my cardigan. But I struggled through it. I figured I'd given my word, but I was (uncharacteristically) a nervous wreck the entire time.
But a few minutes ago, I ran across this Bible verse,
Jeremiah 17:7-8
"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit."
God assures us that if our trust is placed firmly in Him, then we have no reason to be anxious or afraid. I have made mistakes in my life, sure. Many things that have happened, the blame can be placed solely on me, and I take that responsibility. However, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I have not made the decisions that have put me in the stage of life I'm in at this moment. I have seen and felt God reaffirm this to me over and over by placing people in my life to speak His truths to me through word and deed. Though I am not totally blameless in this life, as no one is, I can be confident in knowing that my faith is rooted firmly in Christ, and therefore, I should not feel afraid or ashamed. I have felt unworthy as a teacher, a youth minister, and a role model, but Jeremiah 17:8... oh, Jeremiah 17:8. God promises that I will not cease to yield fruit!
Do you know how overwhelmed with joy that makes my soul? I've been so afraid that I would have to hide in a closet somewhere until I became worthy to serve, or to make a difference. What lies the world tells us! God still has a purpose for me, though broken I might be right now. He still has a place for me to serve as long as my faith and trust are in Him! I rejoice in knowing that I am not a hopeless case. And I am reminded of favorite professor of mine who used to say over and over, "We are all cracked pots! I'm a cracked pot! You're a cracked pot! But the thing about a cracked pot is.. the cracks allow the light of Christ to shine through as long as we don't try to cover 'em up." Oh, Jim Heath. You are a genius.
We live in a sinful world. Because of sin, bad things happen that are sometimes outside of our control. Sometimes, we are broken people. We are cracked pots. But that doesn't mean we have to be ashamed and hide those cracks. We have God's promise that we will not cease to bear fruit.
So, friends, now I ask: Has there been a time you've felt unworthy? What word has the Lord given you to change your heart? Has there been a time when He has shone through the cracks in your life?
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Life, love, and loss..
Tonight I've been thinking about loss. A dear sweet friend of mine stated that "everyone goes through hard times, but it doesn't seem to be back to back like this." She was referring to a series of illnesses, losses, and heartbreaks within her own family, but it started me thinking, "Hey.. I'm there, too."
And it's true. I can list a myriad of horrifying and heartbreaking circumstances my immediate family has faced from my dad's courageous 8 year fight with cancer that ended with his death in 2010, to 3 miscarriages in my family, the loss of my last 2 grandparents, and a heartbreaking divorce battle that caught everyone (not the least of those, me) by complete surprise.
And it's hard. So, so hard. I often wonder daily how we wake up and face it. And I don't dare diminish my friend's losses in the reflection on my own. Hers are just as numerous and true and real. Which makes me wonder... how many others are suffering silently? How many people do we walk by on a daily basis with no clue (or even concern) about their heartbreak?
1 Corinthians 12:25-26 says, "that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it."
We should remember that our brothers and sisters also experience sufferings. This is hard to remember when we are so wrapped up in our own. It's hard to see past our own tears to the tears of others, but we are to show care and concern for one another. We should share in the sufferings of our brothers in order to offer comfort and Godly wisdom. And by the grace of our great God, when we honor one another in experiencing pain, we will come to rejoice together through it.
So that is my prayer, that we will hold each other up in times of trouble, so that we may rejoice together in God's healing.
< 3
And it's true. I can list a myriad of horrifying and heartbreaking circumstances my immediate family has faced from my dad's courageous 8 year fight with cancer that ended with his death in 2010, to 3 miscarriages in my family, the loss of my last 2 grandparents, and a heartbreaking divorce battle that caught everyone (not the least of those, me) by complete surprise.
And it's hard. So, so hard. I often wonder daily how we wake up and face it. And I don't dare diminish my friend's losses in the reflection on my own. Hers are just as numerous and true and real. Which makes me wonder... how many others are suffering silently? How many people do we walk by on a daily basis with no clue (or even concern) about their heartbreak?
1 Corinthians 12:25-26 says, "that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it."
We should remember that our brothers and sisters also experience sufferings. This is hard to remember when we are so wrapped up in our own. It's hard to see past our own tears to the tears of others, but we are to show care and concern for one another. We should share in the sufferings of our brothers in order to offer comfort and Godly wisdom. And by the grace of our great God, when we honor one another in experiencing pain, we will come to rejoice together through it.
So that is my prayer, that we will hold each other up in times of trouble, so that we may rejoice together in God's healing.
< 3
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Thoughts from a Pedicure
Today I had some errands to run. After I got finished, I decided I would get a pedicure before heading home. If you are like me, when you think of a pedicure, you think of warm, soothing water, a gentle foot massage, cool creamy lotions, and all around relaxation. A pedicure is the ultimate treat after a long hard day on your feet.
That was not the experience I had. Immediately when I sat down in my chair and put my feet into the water, I knew something was up. The water was scalding hot! Then the nail tech sat down.. total language barrier. "It's ok, though," I thought. After all, a pedicure in any language is still a pedicure. The water began to cool and I felt a little better, but then he took my foot... and proceeded to inflict the absolute most pressure and pain I've ever felt during a nail service. And he couldn't understand when I said it hurt! "It be ok!" He said! I honestly began to think he mistook my request for a simple pedicure as a challenge to surgically remove each of my toenails one by one.
At last, this pain and pressure ended. I thought the rest of my pedicure would go on in peace. But, alas, no. When time came for the foot massage, he proceeded to beat me on the legs from upper thighs all the way to the soles of my feet! Once finished, he literally flossed between my toes with a towel -- seriously one of the most awkward experiences of my life.
Finally, he began to paint my toenails. The color was beautiful... and he must have loved it, too! He applied 4 coats of sparkly purple polish to each of my toes. Clearly, this guy goes hard or goes home. Just when I thought we were done, he rolled down the legs of my pants and beat my legs again. Then, he carefully walked me to my seat by the dryer and placed my feet exactly where he wanted them to go.
It was painful, awkward.. and yet.. after it was finished, when I started to leave, I realized I felt so peaceful and relaxed. My feet felt better than they had in a long time. They were perfectly cleaned, clipped, smoothed, and polished. All of the yucky layers were gone, and they were like new.
....And then I thought, "That's the way it is with God sometimes." We don't always get what we expect. We think as Christians that our lives should be smooth and comfortable. We should know exactly what to expect and when to expect it. There should be no twists and turns along the way. The water should be warm and soothing, never too hot or too cold. We shouldn't have to experience pain, and we certainly shouldn't have to step out of our comfort zones. In short, we as Christ followers, expect things to easy.
James 1:2-4 says, " Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Not only does James write that we will face trials, but we are to count them as JOY! Why would we be joyful when we face trials? Because he goes on to say that these trials produce steadfastness. In short, it teaches us stability, and stability in Christ makes us WHOLE!
John 16:33 tells us, "33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Guys, Christ has overcome the world, and we face trials so that we may be made complete, and be made new! What does it mean when I say Christ has overcome the world? It means, simply put, that there is nothing in this world that Christ can't conquer. He has conquered sickness, pain, suffering, death, relationships, evil, and sin. We are not able to conquer these things on our own, but with Christ by our sides, there's nothing that is too big. 1 Peter 5:10 says, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
After our sufferings, God promises to restore us! He promises to strengthen us. He will establish us for our intended purpose...
... Kinda like my painful pedicure did for me. Yes, I really thought it hurt for a little while. It was different, and it was uncomfortable. But after a while, I realized that this nail tech, (whom, might I add, I honestly thought was crazy,) and whom I absolutely could not understand, knew what he was doing the whole time. I tried to understand what he was saying. I tried to communicate, but I felt like it was in vain. But when it came down to it, he wasn't necessarily interested in my ease of experience. He was concerned with the end result. He wanted to produce a lasting change and reestablish the usefulness of purpose to my aching and abused feet. And when I finally allowed him, he gently led me where he wanted me to go, and placed me comfortably in the perfect place so that I could experience the fullness of my restoration. I just had to give in and go.
So, the next time you have an experience that you consider to be a trial, have patience and take heart. You may be being prepared to fulfill your ultimate purpose. Maybe you just need to trust and let Christ overcome for you. ;)
That was not the experience I had. Immediately when I sat down in my chair and put my feet into the water, I knew something was up. The water was scalding hot! Then the nail tech sat down.. total language barrier. "It's ok, though," I thought. After all, a pedicure in any language is still a pedicure. The water began to cool and I felt a little better, but then he took my foot... and proceeded to inflict the absolute most pressure and pain I've ever felt during a nail service. And he couldn't understand when I said it hurt! "It be ok!" He said! I honestly began to think he mistook my request for a simple pedicure as a challenge to surgically remove each of my toenails one by one.
At last, this pain and pressure ended. I thought the rest of my pedicure would go on in peace. But, alas, no. When time came for the foot massage, he proceeded to beat me on the legs from upper thighs all the way to the soles of my feet! Once finished, he literally flossed between my toes with a towel -- seriously one of the most awkward experiences of my life.
Finally, he began to paint my toenails. The color was beautiful... and he must have loved it, too! He applied 4 coats of sparkly purple polish to each of my toes. Clearly, this guy goes hard or goes home. Just when I thought we were done, he rolled down the legs of my pants and beat my legs again. Then, he carefully walked me to my seat by the dryer and placed my feet exactly where he wanted them to go.
It was painful, awkward.. and yet.. after it was finished, when I started to leave, I realized I felt so peaceful and relaxed. My feet felt better than they had in a long time. They were perfectly cleaned, clipped, smoothed, and polished. All of the yucky layers were gone, and they were like new.
....And then I thought, "That's the way it is with God sometimes." We don't always get what we expect. We think as Christians that our lives should be smooth and comfortable. We should know exactly what to expect and when to expect it. There should be no twists and turns along the way. The water should be warm and soothing, never too hot or too cold. We shouldn't have to experience pain, and we certainly shouldn't have to step out of our comfort zones. In short, we as Christ followers, expect things to easy.
James 1:2-4 says, " Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
Not only does James write that we will face trials, but we are to count them as JOY! Why would we be joyful when we face trials? Because he goes on to say that these trials produce steadfastness. In short, it teaches us stability, and stability in Christ makes us WHOLE!
John 16:33 tells us, "33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Guys, Christ has overcome the world, and we face trials so that we may be made complete, and be made new! What does it mean when I say Christ has overcome the world? It means, simply put, that there is nothing in this world that Christ can't conquer. He has conquered sickness, pain, suffering, death, relationships, evil, and sin. We are not able to conquer these things on our own, but with Christ by our sides, there's nothing that is too big. 1 Peter 5:10 says, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
After our sufferings, God promises to restore us! He promises to strengthen us. He will establish us for our intended purpose...
... Kinda like my painful pedicure did for me. Yes, I really thought it hurt for a little while. It was different, and it was uncomfortable. But after a while, I realized that this nail tech, (whom, might I add, I honestly thought was crazy,) and whom I absolutely could not understand, knew what he was doing the whole time. I tried to understand what he was saying. I tried to communicate, but I felt like it was in vain. But when it came down to it, he wasn't necessarily interested in my ease of experience. He was concerned with the end result. He wanted to produce a lasting change and reestablish the usefulness of purpose to my aching and abused feet. And when I finally allowed him, he gently led me where he wanted me to go, and placed me comfortably in the perfect place so that I could experience the fullness of my restoration. I just had to give in and go.
So, the next time you have an experience that you consider to be a trial, have patience and take heart. You may be being prepared to fulfill your ultimate purpose. Maybe you just need to trust and let Christ overcome for you. ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)