Changing Perspectives

This past week, I took my youth group to a beautiful little city called Sugar Hill, GA. In my last post, I talked a good talk about feeling like God could continue to use me despite my station in life, and I believed it, but let me tell you... I had a really messed up mindset about it. He could use me later, or He could use me with some adjustments, or He could use me if...

And I went to Georgia with a crappy attitude.

Oh, I thought it would be a good week. But I felt a little negative about the logistics. It didn't seem like the registration process was very organized. I had apparently missed some communication from the project coordinator. One of the other adults with me was very skeptical, and I let that get to me. But overall, my entire outlook was very self-centered: "This is something I can do to help someone else, so I can forget about all my problems." ....emphasis on forgetting my problems.

Then, the first night, we had a crew meeting. My crew chief was a man named John, and he quickly told us that the information he received wasn't organized, and that he was struggling with some of it. The house we would work on would be huge; we might not finish. He was not very personable, and might come off as gruff. And we would be painting.

"GREAT!" I thought. "God has a sense of humor! He puts the least serious person of all time with this staunch crew chief with a military background on a job we might not finish; painting. I hate painting. I have painted all summer." I worried about it all night.

Then, something amazing happened. When we met up the next morning for the send-off with our crews, my chief greeted me with a "good morning," and we connected over SEC football. "Ok," I thought. "He may be uber serious, but he's a football fan. We have a common thread."

As I learned more about my crew, the 12 of us had more in common than I could imagine. We were from across 3 states.. Arkansas, Louisiana, and Alabama.. and we were split between 4 teams: Tigers, Razorbacks, Tide, and Gators. We had 2 15 yr olds who wanted to be doctors. We had 4 14-15 year olds who play football. We had 2 teachers and a crew chief who's mom had been a teacher. We had a cheerleader, a mascot, and a cheer coach. A pastor, a youth minister, and 2 adult volunteers who had no kids on the trip. We had 2 kids from 2 states who lived with grandparents. We all loved the same music. We were all baseball fans. We were an incredible team. "Hey! God DID know what he was doing here!"

We worked together from the first moment like a well-oiled machine. And at the end of day 1, we were 3/4 finished with our mammoth project with 3 days left to work.

As I talked with the homeowner, and the neighborhood kids, I realized that God was using me to touch them right then. Not after I had gotten through the divorce, not after I had some time to correct my reputation, and not after a million other things, but right now.

And then, I spoke with John. Remember our super serious crew chief? The one that I just KNEW I would never get along with?

When he was 29, his wife walked out the morning after a huge life event. Sound familiar? Yet even so, he raised his son to be, from what he told me, a fantastic young man. He played Jesus in the church play. He ministered to others on mission trips. He worked. He built a life. He was "ok." He has never remarried, but he is content. I learned that his serious personality is not indicative of the joy he has in his heart and the love and selflessness he has for others.

Huh. A living, breathing, example of how God wants to use me.

And then, my world was changed. I know World Changers is about changing the world for Christ...

My crew did just that... even for me. < 3

Roots, Fruit, and Cracked Pots

I haven't updated lately; quite honestly I haven't felt that I've had much worth sharing. No one wants to read a laundry list of heartaches, hurts, complaints, and tears. I have my other outlets for dealing with those; blogging and social media aren't really the place. In short, it's been a rough 4-and-a-half months, and things don't seem to be getting any better. I'm ready to go back to school to get away from it all. Is that kind of sad?

It seems like, with me and with many others, the old adage is true: "When it rains, it pours." But how do you deal with that?

In my particular line of work, both professional and volunteer, being plagued by the hard times can make you feel at the best ineffective, and at worst, completely unworthy of the call. I knew I had those feelings deep down, but it didn't become truly apparent until this past Sunday. I was asked to fill in for the music director at church, which I've done loads of times over the years when it was his week of vacation. "Sure, no problem!" I told him 2 weeks ago. But Sunday morning, as I picked out hymns, I was reduced to tears at the thought of standing before the congregation. I felt like I had a a scarlet D plastered to my cardigan. But I struggled through it. I figured I'd given my word, but I was (uncharacteristically) a nervous wreck the entire time.

But a few minutes ago, I ran across this Bible verse,

 Jeremiah 17:7-8

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit."

God assures us that if our trust is placed firmly in Him, then we have no reason to be anxious or afraid. I have made mistakes in my life, sure. Many things that have happened, the blame can be placed solely on me, and I take that responsibility. However, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I have not made the decisions that have put me in the stage of life I'm in at this moment. I have seen and felt God reaffirm this to me over and over by placing people in my life to speak His truths to me through word and deed. Though I am not totally blameless in this life, as no one is, I can be confident in knowing that my faith is rooted firmly in Christ, and therefore, I should not feel afraid or ashamed. I have felt unworthy as a teacher, a youth minister, and a role model, but Jeremiah 17:8... oh, Jeremiah 17:8. God promises that I will not cease to yield fruit!

Do you know how overwhelmed with joy that makes my soul? I've been so afraid that I would have to hide in a closet somewhere until I became worthy to serve, or  to make a difference. What lies the world tells us! God still has a purpose for me, though broken I might be right now. He still has a place for me to serve as long as my faith and trust are in Him! I rejoice in knowing that I am not a hopeless case. And I am reminded of  favorite professor of mine who used to say over and over, "We are all cracked pots! I'm a cracked pot! You're a cracked pot! But the thing about a cracked pot is.. the cracks allow the light of Christ to shine through as long as we don't try to cover 'em up." Oh, Jim Heath. You are a genius.

We live in a sinful world. Because of sin, bad things happen that are sometimes outside of our control. Sometimes, we are broken people. We are cracked pots. But that doesn't mean we have to be ashamed and hide those cracks. We have God's promise that we will not cease to bear fruit.

So, friends, now I ask: Has there been a time you've felt unworthy? What word has the Lord given you to change your heart? Has there been a time when He has shone through the cracks in your life?